


Cuisine Wars - Episode 1

by LuckyBossuet



Series: Dahlia Verse [4]
Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Brazilian Grantaire, Cooking, Established Relationship, Fluff, Food, M/M, Relationship Reveal, Silly, YouTube, Youtuber Grantaire, grantaire has a youtube channel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:27:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24751579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LuckyBossuet/pseuds/LuckyBossuet
Summary: Grantaire has a cooking Youtube channel, and today he has a special guest and a challenge!
Relationships: Courfeyrac/Jean Prouvaire, Enjolras/Grantaire (Les Misérables), implied
Series: Dahlia Verse [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1784437
Comments: 14
Kudos: 81





	Cuisine Wars - Episode 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is set after [R's Birthday](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23820832)  
> betad by the wonderful [magicpiano](https://archiveofourown.org/users/magicpiano/pseuds/magicpiano)

_CookIt2Ways has posted a video:_

Cuisine Wars!: Fruit Tarts vs. Queijadinha

24601 views

_[The video opens on two men, one blonde, wearing a red t-shirt with the words ‘Yes, your gaydar is working’ emblazed across the chest, glaring down the camera. The other, dark-skinned with a dark-green paint-stained jumper. He smiles and waves to the camera]_

“Sup people! I’m R, welcome back to my channel! In my last video I made some lemon meringues, which you can see here,” he points to the corner of the screen, where suggested videos would pop up, “but this time, as the winner of last week’s new challenge poll, is Cuisine Wars!

_[The man now identified as R waves a hand to his guest]_

“This is Enj, also known as AllBasicConcepts32 on twitter, who will be today’s victim, I mean challenger-”

“Confident much are we R?”

“A little.” R winks, “Anyway, this time, we’ll be doing French versus Brazillian food! As poor Enj here is under the impression that French food is superior, but I say that’s only because he hasn’t tried my avó’s recipe for Queijadinha.”

_[The camera cuts to an MMA style challenger stats screen. In it, Enj is wearing a black Slyveon trans pride t-shirt. The sats read “Enjolras, he/him, Age: 22, Weight: I don’t know, not much, Powers: revolutionary fervour, attractiveness, shiny hair, Catchphrase: R what are you doing?”_

_A second stats screen appears, showing R wearing a chef’s apron over a blue shirt, the stats read “Grantaire, he/him Age: 24, Weight: wouldn’t you like to know, weatherman?, Powers: cooking, tying cherry stems, self-deprecation, Catchphrase: R you ready for this?_

_When it cuts back to the two men, Enjolras is wearing a new t-shirt, that reads “The First Pride was A Riot”]_

“As I mentioned, I’ll be making Queijadinha, a coconut tart made with coconut, obviously, and condensed milk!” Grantaire holds up a can of condensed milk and a few coconuts.

Enjolras shows the camera some punnets of strawberries and blackberries, “I’ll be making a fruit tart from a recipe my father taught me before I- Before I left home.”

_[The camera cuts again, so that the video is split-screen, Enjolras on the left and Grantaire on the right. Enjolras is again wearing a new shirt, one that reads “Sounds Gay, I’m In”]_

R points down, “I’ll be putting the different steps on the screen as they happen, so if you want to follow either recipe you can.”

Enjolras starts by making the pastry, but looks over at Grantaire and sees him preparing his coconuts, no pastry ingredients in sight.

“You don’t make the pastry first?” he asks, incredulous.

Grantaire looks up, confused, then laughs, “No, you don’t have pastry in queijadinha! You mix it up and bake it.”

Enjolras blinks.

“But I… I chose tarts because you said you were making tarts, so that it’d be fair. And you’re not even making pastry?”

_[camera cut after more bickering._

_The screen has a time card that reads “A few hours later”._

_The men are back on screen, Enjolras’ t-shirt now reads ‘ACAB’._

_Grantaire is prepping a bain-marie and Enjolras is next to him, making his crème patisserie.]_

“I need to wait for it to thicken R, it’s not my fault we both chose something that needs the stove,” Enjolras points out.

Grantaire rolls his eyes, retorted “I never said it was, just that it would have been _easier_ if we hadn’t. You have to admit that’s true.”

Enjolras doesn’t respond, just grumbles under his breath what R takes to be an agreement.

* * *

“What even is that, Enj?”

“Sophistication.”

“Yeah, sure.”

* * *

_[Enjolras and Grantaire are sitting facing each other, R has a stack of what appear to be flashcards in his hands_

_Enjolras is now wearing a shirt showing ‘_ Socialist Slogan Here _’]_

“So, while we wait for Enjy’s tarts to cool enough, we’re going to do a Q and A! These questions were all submitted by you guys after the last episode where I told you guys a little about Enj before this episode!”

Enjolras shifts in his seat, “What exactly did you say about me R?”

“Nothing bad, I promise,” Grantaire laughs as he reassures Enjolras.

Enjolras huffs and rolls his eyes fondly, effectively distracting Grantaire from the questions momentarily.

“Okay, first question!” he nearly shouts, “this is from NeverGonnaGiveYouUp83, they ask ‘if you had access to any resources, equipment included, what dish would you make yourself?’”

“Anything?” Enjolras thinks for a moment, “Honestly, I’d make ratatouille, it was the first dish I could make on my own without a recipe and I made it for the first meeting of L’ABC, so it was also the first meal I shared with the most important people in my life.”

Grantaire looks a little misty-eyed at this, wiping them before asking the next question, “Percabeth6454 asks how did we meet?”

“Ha, that was Jehan and Courf. I think they said they were nervous? So they brought you along to our first meeting.”

“Yeah, that was great. J was nervous cos they thought Courf was cute, so I got dragged along to be a wingman.”

“Yeah, you frustrated me so much back then.”

“Not anymore?” Grantaire dramatically places a hand on his chest in mock offence, and with a wink says, “I’ll have to try harder.”

“What can I say, you’ve grown on me. Like a fungus,” Enjolras prods R’s stool with his foot, “Now ask the next question before I change my mind.”

Chuckling, Grantaire pulls out the next card, “Opinion on croquembouche? My friend is thinking of having one for her engagement party? That’s from Ladies1823.”

Enjolras’ face goes blank, and as he opens his mouth the image speeds up.

_[A caption appears on screen_

_‘_ **_As usual, Enjolras has many Opinions_ ** **_TM_ ** **_and it has been deemed that he ranted about them for way too long. There will a link in the description to a transcript of this speech in the description below which includes an audio version._ ** _’]_

The image slows to a normal speed.

“…and anyway, if you’re going to make choux buns, you should just make profiteroles instead, they’re much better and aren’t a favourite of the bourgeoisie.”

Grantaire is staring at Enjolras.

“That was a lot wasn’t it?” Enjolras asked, uncharacteristically timid.

“A bit yeah,” R shrugged, “it’s always fun to hear you going off on one though, to be fair.”

When Grantaire looks at the next question he explodes in a fit of giggles, worsened by Enjolras’ deadpan stare.

After he manages to calm down enough to speak again, Grantaire reads out the next question.

“Okay, this was a late entry, literally last night. It’s from ToBeFerre and he asks ‘Enjolras, you forgot to buy eggs, it’s your week on grocery duty.’ So, response?”

Grantaire is clearly holding back laughter.

Enjolras looks directly at the camera, “Combeferre, if you read the note I left you, you’d know that they didn’t have any free-range left, so I’ll buy some tomorrow.”

Off-screen, Grantaire is laughing loudly, nearly covering Enjolras’ answer.

_[they answer a few more questions, discovering Enjolras watches Star Wars and hates how people ignore the blatantly anti-fascist themes, once set a tea towel on fire in the process of testing yeast-]_

“You don’t even need heat for that Enjolras how hell?”

_[has a favourite vegetable-]_

“Oh, stop laughing R, you double garlic in recipes too.”

“I’m sorry but you’re so French sometimes.”

“We’re both French.”

_[- and that he can only brush his hair when it’s wet, otherwise he looks like a dandelion.]_

“Ha, I know this from experience,” Grantaire comments.

Enjolras rolls his eyes, “Only because Courfeyrac took pictures, never trust him with a camera phone before 10 a.m..”

He shakes his head, “Was that the last one?”

“Ah, no, one more, from TreesSwaying89, ‘have you ever done it in a kitchen?’”

Enjolras’ face turns white and he stammers incoherently for a minute.

“What… I-what! That’s- that’s so unsanitary, I-“

“Avoiding the question!” Grantaire singsongs.

Enjolras turned bright red, “I’m not answering.”

“Come on, E, you can’t just not answer the last question. Especially when I know the answer, would you really depri-“ Grantaire’s voice pitched up as he was tackled by a 5’6’’ missile of Enjolras, falling on to the floor.

Enjolras held up the cards, “VICTORY!” before Grantaire shoved him off, pulling the cards until they were both sprawled on the floor, lying in different directions, the final question card in Enjolras’ hand with two questions on it, one of which Grantaire hadn’t asked.

“R? What’s this?”

“I, ah, I didn’t think you’d want to answer it.”

“Then why’s it printed?”

“Jehan, I’m pretty sure,” Grantaire rubbed his arm, “Let me turn the camera off for a second.”

_[the screen goes black for a moment, before the pair are once again sat on the stools, Grantaire looking bashful.]_

“Hello,” Enjolras starts, “Grantaire thought I’d be unwilling to answer this final question, despite asking me the previous one with no qualms-“

“Who still says qualms?”

“- but we discussed it and we are both comfortable answering this. So, 2CookingSexy, really these are your viewers, asked the pair of us ‘who’s your ideal partner?’

I can’t speak for R, but mine is currently my boyfriend, so I would simply say him.”

Grantaire looks dumbstruck before answering, “Yeah, same, I mean, not your boyfriend, mine, I mean,” his face red as a tomato.

Enjolras looks pleased with the other man’s answer, as the timer beeps causing Grantaire to snap out of his embarrassment.

“Right, Enjolras’ tarts will have cooled down now,” Enjolras gets up to retrieve his pastries, “no jokes please, I try and keep this channel at least _mostly_ family friendly.”

Enjolras comes back with a tray of neatly decorated tarts, which he places next to Grantaire’s queijadinha.

“Okay then,” Grantaire slings an arm around Enj’s shoulder, “Which should we try first?”

They try the queijadinha first, the bain-marie having made it deliciously smooth, the coconut fragrant and adding a creamy texture to the tarts. Then Enjolras’ tarts, which, unsurprisingly, are covered in red strawberries and raspberries, the tartness from the fruit melding beautifully with the crème filling.

“So, Enjy, have I converted you over to my side?” Grantaire presses, after seeing the blissful face the other man makes at his food.

Enjolras rolls his eyes and answers through a mouthful of food, “Pehafs,” he swallows, “Sorry, perhaps. I’m still convinced French Patisserie is better, but this is delicious!”

_[The video cuts again, the counter has been cleared and Grantaire and Enjolras are standing next to each other again, facing the camera._

_Enjolras is now wearing a tshirt reading ‘My Boyfriend is the_ **_Revolution_ ** _’_

_They both have grins on their faces and Grantaire’s hair has been messed up, while Enjolras’ bun has come loose.]_

Grantaire spreads his arms, “I hope you enjoyed this video! As usual the recipes will be available in the description below, and I’m always welcome to people submitting subtitles to my email, also below. Next time I’ll be making a triple layer red velvet cake, so wish me luck!”

“But R,” Enjolras interrupts, a mischievous grin on his face, “I think we missed a question earlier?”

Grantaire’s face changes to match, grinning from ear to ear, “Oh of course. **Many** people asked this one, ‘R who’s this boyfriend we keep hearing you mention on your Insta story?’ or words to that effect.

My answer is, ‘Just call me the Revolution’.”

With this, Grantaire pulls Enjolras towards him and dips him in a deep kiss

_[The camera turns off, a scrolling list of credits thanking Grantaire’s supporters on Patreon]_

* * *

##  **Comments on: Cuisine Wars!: Fruit Tarts vs. Queijadinha**

**NeverGonnaGiveYouUp83** : wait what just happened???

\- Reply from **montreal32** : I think they just confirmed a ship omg 💗

\- Reply from **NeverGonnaGiveYouUp83** : I’m screaming!!!!!!! 💗🧡💛💚💙💜

_863 replies_

**Courfreal** : R you are as whipped as the meringue you made last week 😜

\- Reply from **Cooks2Ways** : What of it?

\- Reply from **EEnjolras** : to be fair so am I

_23 replies_

**ToBeFerre** : thank you for buying the eggs Enjolras, although by the time this was released we already finished all those eggs and now need more

\- Reply from **EEnjolras** : then why ask it here instead of texting me??

\- Reply from **Eponine99** : cos you deserve to be shamed 🤣

 **Poetry &Plants**: I’m glad you two have each other, it makes my heart sing 🌸💐

\- Reply from **Cooks2Ways** : thanks Je 🥰

\- Reply from **EEnjolras** : 😳

_56 replies_

**EEnjolras** : I love you 💗

\- Reply from **Cooks2Ways** : 🥰 I love you too 💚

_1832 replies_

**Author's Note:**

> I'm planning on making a series of Grantaire with a cooking channel, so comment if there's any particular dishes/challenges you want to see and I'll see if I can do it :)
> 
> Update: the lovely magicpiano has made graphics for this fic!  
> https://lesbianjolllly.tumblr.com/post/621096248528781312/graphics-i-made-for-luckybossuets-exr-fanfic


End file.
